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February 2004 was the beginning of a year of change for me. I had reconnected with an old High school friend
named Kyle and was just starting to be comfortable with who I was as a person. Kyle and I hung out at his house to watch the
Grammy awards. While watching a commercial for a TV movie based on the Lacey Peterson murder starring Dean Cain, I mentioned
to Kyle that Dean Cain had played Superman at one point. Kyle then non-chalantly proclaimed "Dean Cain is hot!" I thought
this was a little strange but paid it no mind. I figured Kyle just thought Dean Cain was a good actor and was using slang
much like Paris Hilton by saying he's hott or thats hott. Kyle obviously did not mean it that way as he continued to bait
me to get some kind of reaction out of me towards his comment. He next said "but not as hot as my ex-boyfriend." I did not
know what to say so I just turned and looked at Kyle straight in the eye like okay thanks for sharing and continued to watch
TV. Obviously not pleased that I hadn't reacted to his awkward admittence to being gay he continued to make comments such
as "I really miss my ex-boyfriend." Finally I thought okay I'll bite I turned to him and said "Who was your boyfriend Kyle?"
Turns out I had met his boyfriend Sean at a party a year earlier. I pretty much said to Kyle "so your gay?" He said he was
bi but I think that was just a cover because he was not fully comfortable with the fact that he liked boys. At least not comfortable
admitting it to people just yet. It really wasnt a shock because I always thought he might be gay but I never wanted to ask
him because if he wasnt I didnt want to offend him.I told him I was bi too even though I knew I was just gay but like him
I was not comfortable just yet proclaiming that I just liked boys. At least not to people that had known me for a while. If
a complete stranger had asked me if I was gay I would have no problem telling them I was. I was already long past trying to
pretend to be something I wasnt. Kyle and I had always had a weird friendship. We would be close for months at a time and
then not talk to each other for almost a year or so and then be back to where we were the last time we were friends. I think
the dynamic changed between us that night. The fact that we were both able to admit such a private part of our lives to each
other showed a mutual understanding and respect that we had for each other. We went on becoming close like we had done so
many times before and we planned a trip to Toronto Canada to see Britney Spears on April 6th, 2004. We flew to Canada and
stayed in a fancy hotel that had just opened so we got a deal as an introductory rate. I had so much fun in Canada. The Britney
Spears concert was amazing and Kyle and I had our friendship back on track. For my 19th birthday I had decided that I wanted
to go out and party. I had spent the most part of being 18 not having fun at all. I was determined to have fun and make the
most out of being young. I was entering an exciting new phase in my life. Unfortunatly it looked like Kyle would sadly not
be a part of it.
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