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The morning after Lux I was very scatterbrained. I blew off my one class and drove all the
way out east to see Matt. It was 8:00 in the morning and I was contemplating breaking up with him. I just didn't feel right
for some reason. I think I was just having trouble dealing with my family issues and angry that I let Evan get to me so I
felt like I needed space to breath. I guess get out of "the scene" so to speak. I got to Jai's house and I couldn't do it.
I couldn't get out of the car. My hand was shaking and I couldn't move. Then someone came out of Jai's house and I drove off
because I didn't want anybody to see me sitting in my car outside her house. I didn't see if it was Jai, Jai's mom, or one
of Jai's tricks for the night I took off so fast. I went to work and a girl I work with helped calm me down. That night I
went to Thunder's with Matt and my friend Diana. Matt was acting distant but he just said he was tired. We left after about
an hour and I got pulled over for speeding. The next night I had a headache and didn't want to go to Thunder's. Matt wasn't
feeling good either but went with Jai anyway for some reason. I called Matt's friend Jenn to talk and I told her that Matt
had finally told me about Louis. Jenn was shocked and said, "he did?" I said yea and Jenn said, "What exactly did he tell
you?" I just said that he told me why they broke up and that Louis had died. Jenn then said "What? Louis isn’t dead!"
I was like hold on rewind "What do you mean he isn’t dead?" Jenn explained how she knew Louis and that how he broke
Matt's heart but she didn't think he was dead. We hung up and I called Tara and asked her if she knew Louis to see if maybe
she went to his funeral. She said she didn't know him and I explained to her what was going on. She hung up and called Bryan
and Bryan said that Louis supposedly died but there's no proof and Matt didn't go to the funeral. I took this info and called
Jenn. Jenn said that maybe Louis did die and she just didn't hear about it but Matt never told her that and she felt like
if Louis was dead she would know and she just didn't think it was so. I then called my friend Diana cause she was going to
Thunder's and Matt's phone was dead. I told her to find Matt and tell him I was mad at him and to tell him to call me. She
wanted to know what was up so I told her and said not to say anything to Matt till I spoke to him. Diana being the drama queen
that she is asked Matt if it was true and she said he got really serious and started to like avoid her. He called me and he
was a little tipsy. The first thing I said to him was "Matt Louis is dead right?" he said "yes" and I said "Are you sure you"
he said "yes" and I just kept saying "Matt!" and then I said "Cause I spoke to Jenn and apparently he's not so dead." he acted
stunned and said "Well he is and if he's no that's news to me." I then gave a chance to change his story. I told him I didn't
care if he was dead or not which is true. Everybody has ex's and I feel no competition with an ex because if they were meant
to be together then they would be but he's with me so that’s that. He swore that Louis was dead and even went into an
in depth story about the accident and how Louis had surgery and ho he made it through but rib punctured his lung and he drowned
in his own blood. I wasn’t buying the story even though part of me felt bad and wanted to. Matt even offered to bring
me to his grave. I think he just said that hoping I would say that it wasn’t necessary. I didn't insist on it but that
didn't mean I was buying into his story. Things were just not adding up and I just couldn't believe what he was telling me.
He was drunk so I told him I would talk to him about it in the morning. The next day I felt like he was avoiding talking about
it every time I brought it up on the phone. By that night I had become fed up and talked to Jenn again. She said that she
talked to Matt and she told him to tell me the truth and he said that he already took care of it. I had had enough at this
point and I text messaged Matt that I wanted to break up with him. He asked why and I said because he's lying to me about
something I already know is not true and he wouldn't admit to it. His phone died again at this point and I called these two
lesbians named Wendy and Mel to tell them I wasn't going to Thunder's cause I was supposed to meet them there. They asked
why and I just said Matt was lying to me about something. Mell told me he had been crying all night the previous night because
he wanted to tell me but he was scared. They came by my house to pick me up so I could talk to him in person. When I got there
he was already drunk and everytime I said we needed to talk he would blank out and say what are we talking about again. I
was becoming frustrated and he had to throw up and I just knew this was going to take a while. Wendy talked to me and Mel
talked to Matt and she tried to sober him up. When I explained to Wendy the whole story she said she thought there was more
that I didn't know. I knew she didn't know Louis but when I swore that that was everything she insisted that there was more
that I didn't know. After about a half hour to forty five minutes of waiting the four of us sat down at one of the picnic
tables. Mel sat on the end next to me so I couldn't take off should I get upset. Matt sat across from me and I held his hand
and told him I already knew I just needed to hear him say it. He was crying and I made him look me in the eye. he told me
that Louis had hurt him and that it was a story he made up to help him get over him because in his mind Louis was dead to
him which I figured. I said it was okay but Matt said there was more. He began crying again and hiding his face saying "I
Fucked up. I Fucked up" I automatically knew he was going to tell me he cheated on me. I don't know how or when but I knew
he was going to tell me that. He then said that he had slept with someone the night we went to Lux because he got fucked up
and didn't know what he was doing. The first thought I had was please don't say it was Evan. So the first question I asked
was "With who" it wasn’t Evan which was a relief it was some guy named Joe. The next question I asked was did you use
protection. He said yes. I just kind of sat there a moment and said that I had told Jenn that I didn't think I would break
up with him even if he cheated on me and that I meant it. I then sat next to him and we hugged and he promised over and over
that it would never happen again. he said he knew how I was feeling because he had had it done to him so many times before
and that this was the first time he had done something like this. I was kind of numb and I guess was more relieved that it
wasn’t with Evan and I didn't want to believe this was really happening. I jut kept thinking about when he told me he
loved me how he swore he would never cheat on me and then not even a week and a half later he did. Then there he was again
swearing he would never let it happen again and all I could say was "don't make promises you can't keep" I needed to get drunk
so I did. Later that night Mel and Wendy took us to a diner and Matt stayed at my house. We ended up having sex which I know
makes me sound weak but I love him and I just wanted to forget and move on. It worked for a while and I drove him home the
next morning. That whole day I called all the people I had talked to the previous nights and told them what had happened.
Some said "once a cheater always a cheater" others applauded me for not lashing out at him and breaking up with him like I
would have normally done in the past. My emotions were high and I was trying to figure out how to deal with already so I could
move on. I just couldn't stop thinking about the whole I love you thing and how we had had sex the night before and we spent
that whole day together. What if the day I went to Jai's house to break up with him it was Joe that was leaving her house.
Maybe I felt weird that day because subconsciously I knew something was wrong. My mind was going around in circles. The next
couple of weeks were going to be hard and I was about to make some decisions in my life that would change everything.
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